Languish was a word that I was really familiar with ever since I was a toddler. Lavishness was a word that I learned as I grew up. I was ever called the quiet one,the meek one,the naive one,the feeblest of them all. Even a goof was a word that I heard people referring it to me but I didn’t really know the meaning of it but well yeah,the called me still.
Born from a humble background which was benighted,I really had low self esteem. I never believed in myself. I was walking dead full of lost hope but rich in brains that I really never got to utilize them. I was ever drooling since I schooled with well-heeled,affluent and privileged kids. This made me really sad and I underated myself. This made me so nescient and unlettered among my peers after learning about my background. I can’t say I was really impressive about this.
It lessened and vitiated me. I really wondered why God did this to me and yet I have been faithful to him all my life and a saint per se.
I really didn’t know what the world had for me. I can say I was naive for sure. I got to the end and had enough of that life.
Life can really be annoying if you really don’t have a sense of direction or if you are really not sure about it. I suffered for more than 15yrs since I was so meek and didn’t know how to make my own decisions. I failed terribly in most spheres of life those days.
I thought I was good but I was so bad and I didn’t know what life had in pack for me. My life was been controlled by other people that i reply thought they made it on life but oops! Sorry to me. I suffered depression but I didn’t let that out. I didn’t let my family know about it.
Most times I could find myself crying over petty issues such as being looked down upon or failing in one way or another. I never had a friend to look up to. Everyone used to count me out. I ended up being a loner. I never had a shoulder to lean on. I never trusted anyone. My parents couldn’t understand me but I couldn’t do anything.
Well since I was used to crying it became a habit that was so hard to overcome. Little did I know that life was big merry go round. This time you are up the next time you are down. What goes around comes back around..
I learn that we all make mistakes and you might ashame yourself at one point life but you still stand strong and move on with life.
To anyone who feel despaired I would like to ask to listen to a jam by Jussie Smollett and Estelle called Conqueror.
You would rather stand tall than live on your knees hiding your face daily coz you are a conqueror and you won’t accept defeat.
You have a vision that no one else sees, roll up your sleeves and come ready to face the world and show them what you got and what you are capable of doing.
All in all remember to thank God for your life ,all your did, all you are doing and all you want to do…pray to Him to lead you in all spheres on your life and to help your overcome your challenges and deceivers. He is faithful.
That’s my week’s inspiration.
Lots of love
Sheila N Kimani